Do You Have A Friend?

Let us do an exercise. Which friend comes to mind if I were to ask you who is your friend? Now that you have a friend in mind, what are the attributes that he/she has, name them? In most cases you will find that the attributes that they have are usually selfless, kind, generous, supportive, fun and happy, loving, understanding, respects you, accepts you for who you are and there with you when you need them. If however your friend seems to have the opposite of those mentioned, please beware, hehehe, it could be a sign that they are using you. No offense okay, there are many kind of friends and do read on and share some comments if you have an unique friend okay.

Let me share
Since young I was taught to be independent. Not to rely on anyone and to be able to do things on my own. If there was something that needed to be done, chances are you will see me doing it on my own. I will try not to ask for help. That is the default thinking I had. In fact I was so good at it till the point I thought that I do things better than others and if others were to help me, they just make things worse, Frank Sinatra’s song ‘My Way’ seems to speak about my life.

To make matters worse, I had this thought that the less friends I have, the less problems I will have. You know people are imperfect and they tend to bug you. You just want to scream “leave me alone, solve your own problems, I have enough trouble of my own”. I started to compare my life with others, looking down on those who are less smarter or successful than I. I was quick to see other’s weaknesses, made fun of them and even imitated them.

Things continued on until I turned 17, the peak of my depression, yes, DEPRESSION. All those years, when I was in my Rambo or Lone Ranger mode, the one who was really suffering was actually me. My loneliness caused me to make excuses for what I am going through. I did not know how to make friends, and everytime when I talk to somebody, I will be waiting for the moment when that person will just make a quick escape because of my boring self centered conversations. Needless to say, my suffering increased and I started to look at other’s fault, so that I could justify not being their friends. I became proud and lonely, thinking that I could do everything on my own (in actual fact I don’t know lots of things).

My life changed when I met my mentor. You see He was different, He knew me when I was young and I was not close to Him, but He did not give up on me. All the time when I was looking for acceptance around me, He already accepted me for who I am. I mean, I wasn’t handsome or somebody popular, I was in fact striving to be somebody back then. I wanted to be Jason Priestly (Beverly Hills 90210), I wanted to talk, walk and look like him. I don’t enjoy being a skinny, four-eyed kid. I hated my life…. But my mentor kept being there, He told me “you are you, you are special and there is only one you in this world and universe. You are already unique and significant, why do you need to be someone else. Those stars whom you idolize, they are human too, having problems of their own and in search of who they are. So stop acting like somebody and be yourself”. At that moment, I knew this Guy was different, the words He said spoke to my heart. I felt a sense of relieve, a burden lifted off my shoulder, an expectation of having to meet criterias of Hollywood stars just disappeared.

Why do we need a friend?
Before I proceed with the transformation in my life, let me just share that we all need friends. Even gang members or thieves knows that they need buddies. A friend supports you. In life, we will tend to make mistakes or come to a point where we are uncertain about some decisions, ladies will agree with me that they need a friend to give some feedbacks while shopping. A friend will be there, to help you make the right choices. When you are afraid, they will share your fears, when you are unhappy, they will listen and comfort you. When you do not know how to do something, you can always ask them. I realized that the more I open up to them, they will open up to me too. So if you want a friend, you must be a friend to others. There is a saying that goes ‘People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care’. One day you may need help, and on another day, they may need your help. Just like how we bloggers support one another, you read their post, they read yours. Hehehe.

How to choose a friend
Now that we know that having a friend is crucial, we should also be aware that your friend will make you or break you. What it means is, if you have the right friends, you will have a good life, if your friends are bad influences, your life will crumble fast too. Most parents are careful to watch whom their kid mixes with, and this is true, because bad company brings bad influences. I know of stories of well behaved and smart teenagers who suddenly changed because their friends influenced them with alcohol, drugs and sex.

So how do we tell if he/she is a good friend? Remember a friend loves you, they want the best for you. They do not demand anything in return, they will not make you feel obligated to do something. They give you time, support, money, encouragement, advises and more. They listen to you, they respect you, they do not intend that your life be harmed or destroyed, they are not jealous and want you to be all you can be.

True friendship comes when you sincerely open up to one another. There is no better bond that true love among friends. I am sure you know that there are Hi/Bye friends, those whom you don’t really connect with and you will not open up to. But if you want a true friend, you gotta to be a true friend to others.

Continuation of my life
After my burden has been lifted, I could see things clearer. My problems were still there, I did not have much friends, I was still a skinny four-eyed kid. But because I realize I was special in my own way, I started to be gentle with myself and accepted myself. I analyzed my life, my shortcomings, my lacks, my health, my dreams, my goals. I told my mentor my current problems in my life and He was a good listener indeed. I felt important, He was giving me His time listening to me, and as I talked to Him, I started to have ideas of what I would like to do with my life, starting from joining a Gym, wearing contacts lenses, volunteering for Dramas (by the way I love acting, remember I love to imitate others, hehe).

Slowly, I started to enjoy my life because I was true to myself and my body and my mind seems to be working together to achieve goals (usually my mind dreams and my body is lazy to carry out any of them). My mentor will always be there when I acted, He was my gym buddy and He reminds me to walk righteously and honorably at all times (what a true friend indeed), He corrects me when I have wrong intentions or about to make mistakes.

Since the time when I realized that my Mentor was my true friend, I started to live my life the best that I could. He told me that I only have one life here on earth, and to make the most of it. And I know in my heart that this Mentor of mine lays down His life for me, that is the degree of His love and friendship for me.

I would like to share with you this song, which is cute and meaningful. My friends and I performed this in church on Frenzday. But too bad we did not record it.


  1. Friends need a good Motivation :)

  2. Thanks for being a friend, a mentor and most importantly, a brother. It's being a pleasure knowing you. I pray that the Lord will continue to use you to touch the life of others just like how you touch mine. Take care and God Bless.

  3. Alex, you are a motivational and supportive friend indeed.

  4. Kelvin, bro, may you be an encourager wherever you go. Be the light unto the world. Take care.

  5. Hey Bro, thank you for being a friend


  6. You have given me food for thought. I shall ponder this further in my meditations .Thank you

  7. Hey Alvin, thank you for being a good friend too.

  8. Wow, Robert, do give your comment and share with me any further information after your meditation okay. We will learn from one another.

  9. thx for linking up^^
    I'm now following you via GFC.

  10. thanks for the visit and advice

    I decided to join

  11. Good friends are always giving advice
    thank you for taking the time to join hands towards a better day..thnks suhu


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